So, I’m twenty one years old and coming up for twenty two. Life is getting on, I’m over half way to forty and what have I achieved so far? Nothing, would be the answer to that. Don’t get me wrong I’ve enjoyed everything I have done, in the moment it was a laugh.
I decided I would have a drink the other day, sat in the house with my friends, friends I will be there for no matter what and them the same for me. The drinks kept going down, and pretty well I might add, and you know everything is all fun and games, the night then starts to turn into a blur and the next thing you know you’re waking up the next morning. Now normally this is fine, I wake up I don’t feel too good but hey I get over it it’s just a hangover right? No, not this time. I woke up in the morning and had this horrible feeling in my chest, in my head, I knew something wasn’t right. I look to my right and see the face of a heart broken man just looking at me, it was in that moment I knew I’d said something or done something to hurt him. Now me knowing I was drunk the night before I didn’t want to know what had happened all i know is that i broke a piece of someone I truly cared about that night and that is not something I ever want to experience again.
I looked at him tears in my eyes, an emotionless expression across his face. I’ve never been so scared to have thought that I lost someone, I had a lump in my throat and I just couldn’t speak. I apologised to him for whatever I has said to him but to quote “There is only so much someone can apologise until it means nothing” and that hurt me the fact that it had got to that point between us, between friends, between whatever we were.
From that point I let him leave the bedroom to clear his mind and I had a long hard talk with myself, or an argument if you’d like. I made the decision to change my life, I decided I want to make something of my life instead. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t have a drink problem however, I do like to go out drinking a lot perhaps a bit more than girls my age should, but I thought to myself if I don’t stop I’m going to end up pushing everyone I care about away or worse hating myself, hating yourself is the worst possible thing to happen.
So now all because of that one night, I made the choice to change myself, I am now taking every opportunity I can, I don’t want to say no anymore (within reason) I want excitement in my life, yes I like to drink but I want more in my life now. Now i want to strive to be the best me that I can be. Ive gone out now Ive found a job I love doing and a job I want to progress in, i’m participating in events I wouldn’t have done when I was out drinking all the time and I’m actually starting to not just like myself but love myself again, something that everyone needs to do.
I want to be loved by someone one day and thats what I used to look for all the time was just someone who would give me attention. That attention made me feel good about myself, but you know, I realised no one will every truly love me the way that I want until i learn to truly love myself, perfections and flaws. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I had an epiphany if you will and now i know what direction I want to go and everyone can do the same. So this is to the beginning of my story and I can’t wait to share the rest of it with you all.